All the things she said she said
Jan. 25th, 2009 09:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daidoji_giseiI haven't posted in awhile. Mostly this is because I have been coming home too tired to write a post about how tired I am. Also, I've been spending a lot of time contemplating how much I suck as a human being, and my friends get annoyed with me when I comment on this so that's another reason not to post. Still, I suspect that at some time in the unguessed-at future I'm going to be going back over my journal and wondering, "why in the world wasn't I writing anything in Jan 09?" So.
Work has been kind of rough the past few weeks. First off, there is the whole economy thing--our sales are down, and we are busy doing things to make sure that this doesn't become a downward spiral. Then there is the problem with my department being short-staffed. This would be difficult if it were just a matter of needing to hire replacement night bakers, but no--this month my assistant manager and I have been taking turns being sick and that is what really cripples us, because when we are both in the bakery and working full speed we are baking machines, capable of churning out baked goods faster than they can cool. (This generally results in some pretty creative rearrangements of our cooling racks, not to mention me calling on my full command of thermodynamics.) Between our health issues and me needing to cover night shifts we just haven't had enough labor hours to maintain supplies of our sweet goods, and last week even though I was there all the usual days I spent half my time interviewing night baker candidates.
Friday was unrelieved pain, and I'm sorry for the high drama content of the phrase but I don't know how else to sum it up. I've known for sometime it was fairly stupid to make the effort to be hardworking and responsible because it doesn't get you respect, but Friday it became clear it doesn't get you common courtesy either. I'm angry now about it; Friday I was on the edge of tears in my rage. And there wasn't anything I can do about it, because my emotions are always wrong. Whatever has happened, whatever the circumstances, I am always wrong.
Saturday I demonstrated that my stupidity really doesn't have any limit by going into work on my day off--again. But my assistant manager was still sick, and Saturday is the day we make rice bread: the staff of life to a host of Lincoln's celiacs. Not having rice bread on the shelves when they come in at the regular time is Bad. As in, Very Bad. I only worked part of the day, but still it ate into all the other things I needed to get done that day. (Most of which did not get done, but at least I got started on the mountain of laundry in my bedroom.)
Sunday I just gave up and slept in. I think it was past seven when I finally got up. I got to church, did laundry and spent time cleaning up the kitchen. Necessary things all, but it barely scratched my to-do list. I have a hard time caring.
There were bright spots in my week--there are always bright spots--but I'm having trouble remembering what they were. Tonight I burned my first CD, which amuses me. It is a mix that I started planning on my birthday, and spent some time gathering and arranging. I have toyed with the idea of burning extra copies and giving them to friends, but probably won't go through with it. There is no real need, after all, to advertise how bad my taste in music is.
I see I have circled back--for the third time!--to beating myself up. Time to end this post, I think. Maybe next week will be better.
Work has been kind of rough the past few weeks. First off, there is the whole economy thing--our sales are down, and we are busy doing things to make sure that this doesn't become a downward spiral. Then there is the problem with my department being short-staffed. This would be difficult if it were just a matter of needing to hire replacement night bakers, but no--this month my assistant manager and I have been taking turns being sick and that is what really cripples us, because when we are both in the bakery and working full speed we are baking machines, capable of churning out baked goods faster than they can cool. (This generally results in some pretty creative rearrangements of our cooling racks, not to mention me calling on my full command of thermodynamics.) Between our health issues and me needing to cover night shifts we just haven't had enough labor hours to maintain supplies of our sweet goods, and last week even though I was there all the usual days I spent half my time interviewing night baker candidates.
Friday was unrelieved pain, and I'm sorry for the high drama content of the phrase but I don't know how else to sum it up. I've known for sometime it was fairly stupid to make the effort to be hardworking and responsible because it doesn't get you respect, but Friday it became clear it doesn't get you common courtesy either. I'm angry now about it; Friday I was on the edge of tears in my rage. And there wasn't anything I can do about it, because my emotions are always wrong. Whatever has happened, whatever the circumstances, I am always wrong.
Saturday I demonstrated that my stupidity really doesn't have any limit by going into work on my day off--again. But my assistant manager was still sick, and Saturday is the day we make rice bread: the staff of life to a host of Lincoln's celiacs. Not having rice bread on the shelves when they come in at the regular time is Bad. As in, Very Bad. I only worked part of the day, but still it ate into all the other things I needed to get done that day. (Most of which did not get done, but at least I got started on the mountain of laundry in my bedroom.)
Sunday I just gave up and slept in. I think it was past seven when I finally got up. I got to church, did laundry and spent time cleaning up the kitchen. Necessary things all, but it barely scratched my to-do list. I have a hard time caring.
There were bright spots in my week--there are always bright spots--but I'm having trouble remembering what they were. Tonight I burned my first CD, which amuses me. It is a mix that I started planning on my birthday, and spent some time gathering and arranging. I have toyed with the idea of burning extra copies and giving them to friends, but probably won't go through with it. There is no real need, after all, to advertise how bad my taste in music is.
I see I have circled back--for the third time!--to beating myself up. Time to end this post, I think. Maybe next week will be better.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 04:12 am (UTC)(And no, I'm not annoyed with you)
no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 01:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 04:15 am (UTC)I echo
no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 05:00 am (UTC)I'm afraid you will have to call me; apparently my long distance service did not make the move with me. (I haven't called the company to complain because I've decided this is my opportunity to shop for a plan with lower rates.)
no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 07:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-26 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-27 02:32 am (UTC)Pain sucks, there's no two ways around that, so don't feel bad on that account.
Also, the world has a bad habit of challenging one's attempts to maintain a virtuous nature. Hard. Some believe it does this to make sure that you 'mean it'. I don't know if I agree with that, but it does seem to happen.