daidoji_gisei (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
daidoji_gisei) wrote2010-09-23 05:59 pm
daidoji_gisei) wrote2010-09-23 05:59 pm
Entry tags:
General gloom. You were warned.
I'm feeling a little down right now. Part of it is the weather; as a gardener I appreciate rain but cloudy skies do nothing for my spirit. Another is that I am stressing out over a few work-related things and one big writing project.
And finally, there is the fact that this is the anniversary of my starting day at work: I have been here 14 years. I'm not sure if this is a good thing. Over all I like my job. There are parts of it I don't like, but I don't think that any job can be totally without parts you don't like. But it's got a lot of flexibility, which was really helpful when I was a Girl Scout leader, and is still nice now for my writing sideline. But I don't fit in here, and I will never fit in here, and sometimes I wonder if there is a place where my ruthless intellect would be appreciated and not barely, if ever, tolerated by my co-workers.
I had considered looking for other jobs about 5 years ago, when I was about to turn 40, but then my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my life went down the tubes. I think I'm pretty much recovered financially (this would have happened sooner, I am sure, had I not had to pay for those rabies shots, oh well) and otherwise, but now I don't know if changing jobs is even feasible anymore. I'm old, I have no particular skills, and the country is in the middle of a recession. None of this inspires hopes of better jobs.
Tomorrow the sun is supposed to be out, and maybe my spirits will rise. I'm contemplating going out for sushi, even though I don't like to go out to eat alone. (Eating alone sucks all the fun out of it. But I have no one to eat sushi with in Lincoln, so it's go alone or go without. Did I mention I am in a bad mood tonight?) Eventually I'll get the big writing project out the door. Things change.
And finally, there is the fact that this is the anniversary of my starting day at work: I have been here 14 years. I'm not sure if this is a good thing. Over all I like my job. There are parts of it I don't like, but I don't think that any job can be totally without parts you don't like. But it's got a lot of flexibility, which was really helpful when I was a Girl Scout leader, and is still nice now for my writing sideline. But I don't fit in here, and I will never fit in here, and sometimes I wonder if there is a place where my ruthless intellect would be appreciated and not barely, if ever, tolerated by my co-workers.
I had considered looking for other jobs about 5 years ago, when I was about to turn 40, but then my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my life went down the tubes. I think I'm pretty much recovered financially (this would have happened sooner, I am sure, had I not had to pay for those rabies shots, oh well) and otherwise, but now I don't know if changing jobs is even feasible anymore. I'm old, I have no particular skills, and the country is in the middle of a recession. None of this inspires hopes of better jobs.
Tomorrow the sun is supposed to be out, and maybe my spirits will rise. I'm contemplating going out for sushi, even though I don't like to go out to eat alone. (Eating alone sucks all the fun out of it. But I have no one to eat sushi with in Lincoln, so it's go alone or go without. Did I mention I am in a bad mood tonight?) Eventually I'll get the big writing project out the door. Things change.